Students Suspended For Tebowing

What the devil is going on with teenagers today?

These little rapscallions have really gone too far now, and are in need of severe punishment.

Oh, they're not fighting in the hallway, smoking in the boys room, or rolling joints in the stairwells.  Those things are pretty commonplace these days, and are frequently handled with a simple "move along" from an armed hall monitor.

No, a recent collection of students in a Long Island high school were committing atrocities far more despicable, something that no self-respecting principal should ever be forced to permit.

Fortunately for the good people in that moral, heavenly place known as New York, the top guy at Riverhead High School has nipped these horrific actions in the bud, suspending the culprits for their misdeeds.

Their shameful, disruptive, unconscionable actions?

Taking a knee as if in prayer in the middle of the hallway.

It's a minor craze sweeping the sports nation lately, and even has a cool name: "Tebowing."  [Click here to see an example of "Tebowing."]

The action is a tribute to uber quarterback and Denver Broncos miracle maker Tim Tebow.

Tebow himself is quite a troublemaker, and will probably be run out of the NFL before the year is over.

Here in the 21st century, it is almost a requirement of employment that you must be a drug abuser, steroid user, wife beater, a regular strip club patron, a barroom thug, or in one notable case even a murderer, in order to be a player in the National Football League. 

This Tebow guy is none of those things.  Instead, he does something that simply cannot be allowed to continue:

He believes in God, and tells everybody within earshot.

After big plays, he doesn't dance in the end zone like an epileptic porn star, shout obscenities in the face of opponents while beating his chest hard enough to make King Kong wince, spike the ball in the middle of a choreographed huddle, or take out a Sharpie and autograph the goal posts like any decent, normal NFL player today.

No, he goes to the sideline, takes a knee, and bows his head in prayer.

It is such an oddity, such outrageous behavior, that it has caught on around the country.  The stance has earned the name "Tebowing."

And it isn't just an act, like the athlete wearing 14 gold chains around his neck and two pounds of pot in his gym bag who begins every locker room interview with "I want to thank God, my agent, and my mama."

Tebow doesn't just talk the talk.  He walks the walk.  He goes to church, does charity work in the community, and works hard to be something pre-teen football fans haven't seen in decades: a role model.

Which is why it's a certainty he won't last in the NFL.

But right now, he's on a hot streak.  Since becoming the starting quarterback for the Broncos mid-season, he has taken that team from last place in the division with a 1-5 record to first place in the AFC West with six straight wins (most of them last minute or overtime heart stoppers), and seven wins in the last eight games to compile a record of 8-5.

His dazzling play, devotion to God, and squeaky clean image have inspired venomous detractors and rabid fans across the country. 

Among them is a group of four high school athletes at Riverside High School who have been "Tebowing" in the halls for the last week or two.  [Click here for news story.]

Originally, it was just four jock buddies having fun.  But like most things as novel and rare as a professional athlete without a criminal record, it caught on among other high schoolers.  According to the school's administration, dozens of students had started doing the move in the middle of the hallway.  Apparently it was clogging the halls and disrupting the flow of students on their way to the bathroom for a smoke or to the stairwells to fire up a blunt.

So instead of employing the "move along, move along" tactic usually employed by overzealous high school administrators after a cafeteria shooting, the school suspended the four athletes they deemed to be the ringleaders of this nefarious action.

So to any parents out there, please take heed and warn your children.  Schools today will tolerate a lot of things, including rampant crystal meth use, death-inducing band hazings, sex between hot female teachers and their male students, sex in the showers involving football coaches and 10-year-olds, and all the students you can possibly cram into a classroom who are actually in this country illegally.  But they shouldn't dare do anything in a main passageway that might resemble prayer. 

If they must take such an action, they should find a secluded area in which to do it.  Of course, that might be a chore, since the bathrooms, stairwells, classrooms and showers are already full.  Maybe the principal's office would be a good place, since it doesn't seem to be getting much use lately.