Uh oh.
The Occupy Wall Street crowd is in big doodoo now.
The Big Chief in the New York mayor's office has rolled in the big guns.
After citing questionable claims, like the presence of the OWS crowd in Zuccotti Park meant people couldn't use the public space (I'm not exactly sure what Mayor Boob-berg thinks the protesters are, but obviously they aren't people in his estimation) and his curious charges that the removal of the protesters was a matter of public health and security (apparently the mayor hasn't walked around the rest of his city without armed bodyguards lately), the Master Billionaire has levied the Big Charge.
It's the one that got Saddam Hussein whacked and is likely to cause Iran to become a well-lit parking lot in time for Hanukkah (lit for longer than eight days by a radioactive glow after the Israelis finish dropping bombs on Iran's suspected nuclear weapons building facilities).
Boob-berg says the protesters are stockpiling weapons, which is why he ordered the evil campers and campfire cookers out of the park.
Based on the mayor's claims, war is going to break out anytime now.
In fact, considering Boob-berg's roots, you better prepare yourself for the even bigger announcement:
The Occupy Wall Street protesters are developing weapons of mass destruction.
You heard it here first.
Whenever one of these power mongers wants to bust somebody's balls, that's the claim they trot out as justification for...well, for just about whatever they want to do.
Snatch a "suspected terrorist" and "rendition" them to Latvia? Practice carpet bombing techniques on abandoned camel ranches? Eavesdrop and wiretap the phones of U.S. residents? Just issue the blanket "stockpiling weapons" allegation. It's the greatest thing since Milton Bradley invented the "Get Out of Jail Free" card.
Of course, as our last president demonstrated, you don't have to have any facts to support such allegations, or something law enforcement agencies refer to as evidence. You can just say the words, and more magically than Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious, you can do anything you want to anyone you want.
That's not to say Mayor Boob-berg is lying. He would never play games with the truth.
Well, there was that time he helped cover up the fact that one of his deputy mayors was arrested for domestic abuse, but you can bet the Boober has a good excuse. It's true that, when the mayor's office announced that individual's resignation, the public was told that Stephen Goldsmith was "leaving to pursue private-sector opportunities in infrastructure finance.” That might be the coolest way ever of announcing that a guy was about to have his personal bank account emptied in the inevitable upcoming divorce.
Oh, one more piece of irony - the guy Boob-berg covered for, the 61-year-old who spent 36 hours in police custody in Washington after allegedly roughing up his wife, was the deputy mayor in charge of overseeing New York's police department.
But in this instance, because the truth can be a nebulous, fluid thing in the hands of a skilled politician like Boobie, claims of weapons stockpiling are probably true. You can bet somebody had a butter knife in their backpack, or was using a large and dangerous stick to hold up their tent.
The thing that was likely to get Zuccotti Park rightfully nuked in a tactical strike by Boob-berg's air force (his fleet of police helicopters) is because the occupiers had chemical weapons in their possession. I say this with a tremendous amount of certainty, because anyone who has actually been to New York City knows that only the mentally unstable would ever attempt to walk those streets at night without a can of Mace and two containers of pepper spray in their pockets. Hence the confident leap to claims of the enemy -er, occupiers - possessing weapons of mass destruction.
Face it, those "peaceful protesters" were up to something, and it was up to the noble knight known across the land as the Boob-berg to ensure that guys in Armani suits and power ties on their way to rape some little old lady's 401-k were kept safe against the Zuccotti Park Taliban (the name wealthy politicians like to hang on anybody that thinks $65 is too much to pay for a steak sandwich). Otherwise, the financial television network he founded (and which made him a billionaire) wouldn't have anything to drone on about during the next 24-hour news cycle.
He's obviously a hero. Never mind that minor, outdated memo called the U.S. Constitution and it's sticky note, the First Amendment. In New York, there are much more important laws on the books that must be upheld, like city codes against taking a nap in a public place at 3 a.m. when nobody except legitimate muggers would be using the park anyway.
It's odd, but after going over and over our Constitution, I can't find a single thing about freedom of speech being applicable only during daylight hours. However, I'm sure it was just a careless oversight by our know-nothing founding fathers in an era that pre-dated flashing neon. If they had known that people might actually take that right serious enough to endure cold, snow, and Boob-berg's badged beefeaters for 60 days in a row, they would have added an asterisk or a footnote.
The good news is that since there has been no outcry from real citizens (those who can afford Brooks Brothers suits), the displacement of those noisy hooligans from the hallowed grounds of public places in Oakland, Portland, Denver, Salt Lake City, and New York should ensure that nobody will be tempted to speak up about such petty grievances as fascism, injustice, or corruption in the future.
So, as the networks might say after a brief interruption, "we now return to our regularly scheduled greed. In living color - green."
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