Obama Supporter Gives Up On Green President

Okay, Obama haters, you win.

You were right, I was wrong.

Barack Obama is a lousy president who is way out of his depth, more committed to his left-leaning environmental policies than what's in the best interest of the country. 

On Wednesday, the Obama administration drove a deep coffin nail into the nation's shaky international security, let the air out of the country's economic tires, and managed to offend one of the very few true allies the United States has been able to count on.

And the top dog signed off on this catastrophe.

All of this happened when Obama decided to say "no" to permits for a proposed oil pipeline that would have brought 700,000 barrels a day of precious oil from Alberta, Canada to U.S. refineries on the Gulf Coast.  [Click here for story.]

There have been protests against the project, mostly from the limousine liberals in Hollywood who claim the pipeline would have been environmentally unsafe.  Yes, there's an Alaskan pipeline that's been serving this nation well since the 1970's with very little environmental impact, but that doesn't matter to the monied Henny Pennys and Ducky Luckys flying on private jets to attend their protest rallies while working Americans continue to watch savings and money for clothes, food, and other essentials go up in smoke every day as they pay $3.50 a gallon for the gas they need to get to their jobs.

I just don't understand a president who pretends to care about middle and lower class Americans, then condemns their future by ensuring that gas prices will now go up instead of down.

Believe me, I hate anything that puts one extra dime in the coffers of Big Oil, and this would certainly provide another huge windfall for those soulless bastards.  But oil is an essential commodity, whether we like it or not.  Instead of cutting off this opportunity for more fuel, an influx which might drive down the price of gas on some other planet where "supply and demand" economics actually works, Big Oil can now continue their ruse of artificial shortages as the excuse for raping us at the gas pumps.

Even worse, Obama has squandered an opportunity for America to get off the Middle Eastern oil tit.  The oil from Canada, our northern neighbor who has been there for us nearly every time the U.S. has called for help in one of our meddling foreign shore skirmishes, would have reduced the amount of oil we would need to continue buying from nations that absolutely hate us.  It would have resulted in fewer American dollars going into the pockets of people that consistently wind up using our cash to eventually purchase the weapons they will use to kill our children in uniform.  (See Iraq, Yemen, Lebanon, and a wealthy Saudi Arabian family with the surname bin Laden.)

Worst of all, this snub of our best ally has resulted in Canada's prime minister informing Obama that the Maple Leaf government will now build a pipeline to their own coast, and will instead sell that oil to China, India, and other Asian nations.

At a time when we're losing every industrial and economic edge to those countries, our own president has goaded our best friends into selling energy to our biggest international competitors.  Great move, Obie!

Once again, a leader has come down with a case of inconvenient amnesia.  Obama has forgotten that voters didn't elect him four years ago because of his promises to protect the spotted owl or the desert tortoise, or any other idiotic environmental issue.  As the political pundits continue to sing, "it was the economy, stupid!"  We elected him because the previous regime, led by a Texas oil man, had run this country's financial future off the rails.  We expected our economy to improve during his four years.  Not only has he failed miserably on that front, now he has ensured that our future will be just as bleak thanks to gasoline prices that will now head for the $4 a gallon mark.

Four years ago, I gladly voted for a man who promised "change and hope."  I didn't care about his color, and the fact that I had helped elect a black president.

I was wrong.  I made a mistake.

In 2012, I can tell you I won't help elect a green president.

US Exporting More Fuel Than Importing

Well, so much for the theory of supply and demand.

In the U.S., brain addled A.D.D. Americans took about 15 seconds to forget how our economy ended up in the toilet.

The current popular one-word explanation is "Obama."  That's just stupid, since our economy was augering in when Barry was still just an obscure candidate in a messy field of Democrats trying to win G-Dub's seat.

In fact, most political pundits pointed to the tanking economy as the reason for the new White House occupant bearing a donkey on his p.j.'s.

The brainwashing of America was pretty efficient over the last four years, as people seem to recall that it was the real estate market's implosion that brought down the house of cards.

But if you go back and look at the economic news from 2008-09, you'll see something else was really knocking the pins out from under our prosperity:

Gas prices.

We've become so accustomed to gasoline hovering around the $3.50-per-gallon mark that we've forgotten it was a little more than five short years ago that we were paying around $2.50 per gallon.  By early 2008, it had briefly spiked to more than $4 per gallon before drifting back to the upper threes.

I remember vividly the world coming undone in 2008.  In my little hometown of Mesquite, tourism dried up faster than lizard piss on a desert rock.  People (myself included) quit taking vacations and driving to fun destinations.  Folks began making hard decisions between filling the family car's gas tank and buying groceries.  I wrote stories about otherwise normal, rational people buying scooters as their new means of transportation.  (And the efforts by the government to bar those gas-sipping two-wheelers from public streets.)

When the tourism stopped here, just like in Las Vegas and other resort locations, so did the number of visitors falling in love with the place and buying up new houses.  So of course, the housing market collapsed.

One of the MANY lies laid on us by Big Oil was that our demand was so high in this country for oil that it drove the price up to those lofty heights.  Then they mixed in a few artificial shortages to make that supply-and-demand picture look even more dire, including claims that storms in the Gulf of Mexico contributed to production shutdowns.  Then you had the BP oil spill that made everyone believe that our precious "supply" was currently sloshing around the shores of Mississippi.

What everyone forgets is a tiny expose' that showed the oil companies were actually systematically shutting down their refineries around the country to squeeze the supply.  They also forget that the drilling rig that exploded and sank into the Gulf was never a production well, and was one of the MANY drilling sites that oil companies actually drill then plug.

Now we find out that the "supply and demand" claim is a ruse.

Fuel demand in this country is low.  Way low.  How low?

According to a federal report in December from the U.S. Energy Information Administration, the U.S. exported 753.4 million barrels of fuel in 2011, while importing just 689.4 million.

Stop and let that sink in.

It's the first time since 1950 that the United States exported more fuel than it imported.

The report claims that the reason for this upside down scenario is the fact that demand is down significantly in this country, while demand is up in other emerging countries.

So where is Big Oil's lie about demand now?

Are you ready?

Iran.

That's right, Big Oil's best friend, that obnoxious little middle eastern collection of blowhards is making threats again.  They've done it before, which made the oil markets quake and gas prices at the pumps skyrocket, despite the fact that the U.S. doesn't get oil from Iran.  (Can't let a little thing like that get in the way of commerce, right?)

But this time the ululaters have a new game.

Iran is threatening to shut down the Strait of Hormuz, which is a choke point for oil shipping between the Persian Gulf and the Arabian Sea.

This sounds pretty impressive and scary, until you realize the only major oil-exporting countries to be affected by that would be the United Arab Emirates, Iraq, and, um, Iran.  (Saudi Arabia also uses the Persian Gulf, but they have the option of shipping from Red Sea ports on their other coast.) It's like a child saying they're going to hold their breath until they turn blue if they don't get their way.  And they're making this threat because the U.S. has called them out on their nuclear program.

I know, what one thing has to do with the other is the kind of disjointed thinking that can only come out of an Iranian mind.

Of course this is an idle bluff.

For starters, when was the last time you heard of the Iranian Navy doing anything?  About quarter-past never.  It would be like me threatening to blockade the port of Los Angeles because I got a new canoe for Christmas.

However, the Henny Pennys and Ducky Luckys in the oil futures markets are wringing their hands and jacking up the price of oil like they've just heard about a shortage of that rare chemical Sodium Chloride.  (For those a few years distant from Chemistry 101, that's table salt, one of the most plentiful things on earth thanks to the briny oceans covering two-thirds of our planet).

And as anyone who casually follows the oil industry in today's world knows, the price of oil has absolutely nothing to do with production costs, supply, demand, or anything else borne of logic.  The price of oil is all about whim and illusion.

Sadly, this means that one of the things I've been ranting about for nearly a decade has been proven wrong.

I've mistakenly believed that American consumers could bitch slap the oil companies into shape by simply getting together and strategically boycotting their product.

Turns out, the demand has nothing to do with the price of gas, even though the U.S. is allegedly still the biggest consumer market in the world.  The cigar smokers at Exxon, Chevron, and the rest of the boardroom bullies will simply jack up the prices even higher, then sell it to Duhdumastan.

So I surrender.  The fat cats have the game rigged, and there's nothing we can do about it.  We certainly can't expect our government to do anything, so long as campaign contributions from oil companies continue to be the main source of income for our senators and congressmen.

So we just have to pay whatever the honchos say until someone can figure out how to make those goofy looking little scooters sold in 2008 run on Sodium Chloride.

Students Suspended For Tebowing

What the devil is going on with teenagers today?

These little rapscallions have really gone too far now, and are in need of severe punishment.

Oh, they're not fighting in the hallway, smoking in the boys room, or rolling joints in the stairwells.  Those things are pretty commonplace these days, and are frequently handled with a simple "move along" from an armed hall monitor.

No, a recent collection of students in a Long Island high school were committing atrocities far more despicable, something that no self-respecting principal should ever be forced to permit.

Fortunately for the good people in that moral, heavenly place known as New York, the top guy at Riverhead High School has nipped these horrific actions in the bud, suspending the culprits for their misdeeds.

Their shameful, disruptive, unconscionable actions?

Taking a knee as if in prayer in the middle of the hallway.

It's a minor craze sweeping the sports nation lately, and even has a cool name: "Tebowing."  [Click here to see an example of "Tebowing."]

The action is a tribute to uber quarterback and Denver Broncos miracle maker Tim Tebow.

Tebow himself is quite a troublemaker, and will probably be run out of the NFL before the year is over.

Here in the 21st century, it is almost a requirement of employment that you must be a drug abuser, steroid user, wife beater, a regular strip club patron, a barroom thug, or in one notable case even a murderer, in order to be a player in the National Football League. 

This Tebow guy is none of those things.  Instead, he does something that simply cannot be allowed to continue:

He believes in God, and tells everybody within earshot.

After big plays, he doesn't dance in the end zone like an epileptic porn star, shout obscenities in the face of opponents while beating his chest hard enough to make King Kong wince, spike the ball in the middle of a choreographed huddle, or take out a Sharpie and autograph the goal posts like any decent, normal NFL player today.

No, he goes to the sideline, takes a knee, and bows his head in prayer.

It is such an oddity, such outrageous behavior, that it has caught on around the country.  The stance has earned the name "Tebowing."

And it isn't just an act, like the athlete wearing 14 gold chains around his neck and two pounds of pot in his gym bag who begins every locker room interview with "I want to thank God, my agent, and my mama."

Tebow doesn't just talk the talk.  He walks the walk.  He goes to church, does charity work in the community, and works hard to be something pre-teen football fans haven't seen in decades: a role model.

Which is why it's a certainty he won't last in the NFL.

But right now, he's on a hot streak.  Since becoming the starting quarterback for the Broncos mid-season, he has taken that team from last place in the division with a 1-5 record to first place in the AFC West with six straight wins (most of them last minute or overtime heart stoppers), and seven wins in the last eight games to compile a record of 8-5.

His dazzling play, devotion to God, and squeaky clean image have inspired venomous detractors and rabid fans across the country. 

Among them is a group of four high school athletes at Riverside High School who have been "Tebowing" in the halls for the last week or two.  [Click here for news story.]

Originally, it was just four jock buddies having fun.  But like most things as novel and rare as a professional athlete without a criminal record, it caught on among other high schoolers.  According to the school's administration, dozens of students had started doing the move in the middle of the hallway.  Apparently it was clogging the halls and disrupting the flow of students on their way to the bathroom for a smoke or to the stairwells to fire up a blunt.

So instead of employing the "move along, move along" tactic usually employed by overzealous high school administrators after a cafeteria shooting, the school suspended the four athletes they deemed to be the ringleaders of this nefarious action.

So to any parents out there, please take heed and warn your children.  Schools today will tolerate a lot of things, including rampant crystal meth use, death-inducing band hazings, sex between hot female teachers and their male students, sex in the showers involving football coaches and 10-year-olds, and all the students you can possibly cram into a classroom who are actually in this country illegally.  But they shouldn't dare do anything in a main passageway that might resemble prayer. 

If they must take such an action, they should find a secluded area in which to do it.  Of course, that might be a chore, since the bathrooms, stairwells, classrooms and showers are already full.  Maybe the principal's office would be a good place, since it doesn't seem to be getting much use lately.

TSA Picks On Teen For Gun Design On Purse

There are plenty of federal agencies that land on the Top 10 list of "Most Hated" for many Americans. 

It's actually easy pickings, beginning with that most dysfunctional, corrupt, greedy, and disharmonious of entities, the United States Senate and House of Representatives.  It's easy to hate an organization that is so steeped in partisan hatred and disregard for the people they are supposed to serve.

But they aren't alone. 

Wanna talk universal hatred?  Just bring up the IRS. 

Then you have partisan hatred.  To get a right winger wound up, just mention the EPA or the federal Welfare agency.  To see a left winger jump up and down, bring the CIA or the Federal Reserve board into the conversation.

However, even the most ordinary, lowly citizen can join hands with the most upper crust celebrity and millionaire in despising one particular federal agency, which is loathed equally by every socio-economic strata:

The TSA.

What does TSA stand for?  Below is the top 12 from a list of 38 compiled by JumboJoke.com.  My personal favorite is number 12.

1. Teaching Submission to Americans
2. Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'
3. Theatrical Security Agents
4. Taking Scissors Away
5. Too Stupid for Arby's
6. They See All
7. Trained Sodomy Adminstrators
8. Taking Security Away
9. Touching Sensitive Areas
10. Taliban Sharia Advocates
11. Terrorists Succeeded? Assuredly
12. Tough Shit, America!

The Transportation Security Administration was in the news again last week after a teenage girl from Florida was stopped and detained by TSA officials for carrying a gun.

It wasn't a pistol or rifle.  It wasn't a replica.  It wasn't a toy.

It was a design on her purse.

The front of the girl's purse had metal studs and the raised metal outline of a six-shooter.

She didn't have any problem with the TSA hasslers in Florida.  But on her way back from Virginia, bored TSA bullies from Norfolk International Airport stopped her, pulled her aside, and held her in custody long enough to make her miss her flight home.

The palm size gun design was a decoration that an untrained chimpanzee could have figured out in two, maybe three seconds.

The TSA's pretend cop wannabes went on red alert.

Because they're a government agency, and all federal bureaucracies thrive on something they call "precedent," you can bet there will now be a rash of detainments during the upcoming Christmas travel season.

I predict you will see the TSA stop travelers for possession of:

• a photograph of your favorite Glock
• CD's by the rock band "Revolver"
• DVD's of the old TV western "Have Gun Will Travel"
• any and every video version of "Die Hard"
• the gun-filled video game Call of Duty (just this week Alec Baldwin got into trouble for playing "Words With Friends" on a plane...I suspect he was winning with a three-letter noun starting with "g")
• the new "Juliette Has A Gun" perfume
• suppositories (which are often referred to as "bullets")
• packs of chewing gum (which the TSA illiterates will misread as chewing "gun")

This year, my family won't be flying back East.

Instead, I'm going to give my wife and daughter each a purse with an airplane design on the front.

According to the TSA, it's the same thing.

No Freedom Of Speech Until After High School

It's a question that rivals the eternally debated question "when does life begin?" and is about as impossible to answer.

The question is, "when does Freedom of Speech begin?"

If you look to the U.S. Constitution, the document which outlines that freedom in the Bill of Rights, you'll notice there is no age requirement or expiration date listed.

However, a recent action by a Kansas high school principal would seem to indicate that the right doesn't apply until after a student leaves the public school system.

The question revolves around a startling incident last week in which 18-year-old Emma Sullivan tweeted to friends after listening to a speech by Kansas governor Sam Brownback that the governor "sucked."  She was there as part of a school project in government.

Brownback's staff, which is constantly scanning the internet for instances of the governor's name, came across the posting.  The staffers contacted the young woman's school over the remark.

When she went back to school, the student was called into the principal's office, chastised, and ordered to write a letter of apology.

First, it's chilling in an Orwellian way that government officials are monitoring the Twitter conversations of teenagers.  The statements aren't private, but you wouldn't expect government henchmen to be listening in on loud street corner conversations, which is essentially the essence of Twitter.

Second, it's not like someone made a dire threat or a libelous statement about the governor.  A lot of people would even agree with the opinion.  But that's what it was, an opinion made by an American who even happens to be of voting age.

So why would members of one government agency (the governor's staff) contact a member of another government agency (the school principal) to single out and punish a citizen for expressing an opinion?

And how dare the principal use his power to order someone to apologize for that opinion.

To her credit, Sullivan said no, and was prepared to face the consequences.

Then, the story made it into the newspapers, and everyone started reversing engines.

The governor himself issued an apology, claiming his staff "over-reacted" to the Tweet. 

The principal backed down on his demand for an apology letter from the girl.

Of course, if the media hadn't caught wind of this, it's pretty unlikely that either government official would have backed down.

So while the student is no longer in Dutch, the deeper questions remain.

To keep order in school, rules must be enforced which limit or even prohibit Freedom of Speech.  (The "no talking or you'll have to put your heads on your desks" rule is probably the perfect example).

But where is the line?  Can a school enforce such rules even when the action takes place off school grounds?  Also, this wasn't an issue of disruption, it was a matter of content.  If the girl had tweeted "Governor Brownback looks hot in those corduroys," nothing would have been said.  But because she expressed a negative comment, she is accused of being "disrespectful" and subject to school punishment.

It's all made even more ironic by the fact the girl was attending the speech as part of a class in government.  What lesson do you think she and her classmates will take away from the attempted imposition of punishment for expressing an opinion about an elected official?  Is this really the lesson we want our children to learn about our American way of life?

It sounds as if the governor's staff and the principal could use a refresher course themselves on American government. 

Obviously, they were absent the day the First Amendment was taught during their own high school days.

Now, my only hope is that the governor's staff doesn't catch wind of this op-ed piece while trolling the internet.  I'm a little old to be staying after school, clapping erasers, and writing "I will not say bad things about government leaders" 1,000 times on the blackboard.

Happy Thanksgiving! Brought To You By...

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! 

[This Thanksgiving greeting is brought to you by Firestone; tires that can kill you, but at least we're sort of made in America.]

It's a day designed for enjoying time with your family, and consuming mass quantities of overweight poultry until you too are an overweight bird. 

[This Thanksgiving quip is brought to you by the makers of Zoloft; You're not really depressed until you're Zoloft depressed.]

Of course, this day has suffered serious incursions by what Alfred in "Miracle on 34th Street" decried by saying "there's a lot of bad isms in the woild, but the woist of them is commoicialism."

[This Thanksgiving movie reference is brought to you by GM; The only thing worse than the handling of our cars is our handling of money.]

One of the worst is the usurpation of the annual Macy's Thanksgiving Parade.

[This Thanksgiving event is brought to you by the Sony film "Arthur Christmas"; another insipid holiday cartoon your kids will insist you buy no matter how bad it sucks.]

Instead of a joyful and kid-thrilling trot around New York with marching bands and Underdog floats, it has become just another platform to advertise, with special emphasis on shilling for the dozens of tiresome Broadway shows by allowing unknown performers from those musicals to interrupt the parade's flow by stopping to dance and lip-sync a number from some soon-to-be-closing Tony runner-up.  The hard part is figuring out which is worse, the dancing and singing about themes that have nothing to do with the holidays, or the gushing phony praise heaped on the tepid performances by the parade's 59 different D-list celebrity hosts.

[This Thanksgiving whine is brought to you by Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey; an annoying sissy concoction developed because not everyone is man enough to drink straight Jack Daniels, and we need more moonshine money.]

Then you have the annual NFL football games, which honor the proud tradition of watching the Detroit Lions getting their brains bashed in by whoever happens to be on the other side of the scrimmage line each year, including the Kansas City Chiefs cheerleaders (who, according to Yahoo, are the only thing on the field uglier than the Lions' play).  Even though the Lions started strong this year, they've returned to their losing ways, and a matchup against the undefeated Packers is sure to bring more of the same this go-round.

[This Thanksgiving football preview is brought to you by Chrysler; the company that has taken government bailouts twice, and still manages to overcharge for every vehicle we make, showing we have learned our lessons well from a government that frequently features $600 hammers.]

More commercialism will sneak into the NFL games, as they stop the action about every three plays to bring you...more commercials.  And that doesn't include the subliminal little ads they bombard us with, like the "Aflac Third Down" and the "Prudential Halftime Show."

[This Thanksgiving product placement is brought to you by AIG; we're the financial giant that ripped people off before the crash, ripped people off after the crash, and still convinced the government to give us more money. Don't you want somebody that smart working for you?]

The latest sad chapter in the commercialization of Thanksgiving is the incursion of the "Black Friday" shopping bacchanal into Thursday.  Impatient stores can't wait to stick their hands in your pockets, so they're forcing their slaves - er, employees - to work on a family holiday while selling goods for the prices they actually SHOULD be sold at all year long (and would be, if they weren't spending billions on advertising each quarter), just to lure you out of your recliner. 

[This Thanksgiving shopping moment is brought to you by Walmart; selling low quality Chinese goods and running mom and pop stores out of business since just after Sam died, long before China purchased the U.S., and the only company capable of making people want to actually punch a smiley face right in the mouth.]

Fortunately, a few people are fighting back by ignoring the slick televised parades in favor of putting on real parades in their hometowns, and boycotting concentration camp stores that insist their labor must work on the holiday or be shot.  ("Shot," "fired," it's about the same thing in this economy).

[This Thanksgiving protest is brought to you by Budweiser; The king of American beers, using proud American imagery to enrich a company that isn't even owned by Americans anymore, you stupid Americans.]

In spite of all this Scrooge-like anti-commercialism curmudgeonry regarding the overselling saturation of a uniquely American holiday (a diatribe which the Wall Street crowd will decry as a dangerous and subversive threat to capitalism), the spirit of the day remains in homes across the country, where friends and relatives will sit down together at a bountiful meal and take a moment to count their many blessings. 

[This Thanksgiving shout-out to Wall Street is brought to you by Fox Labs; "Keeping public parks empty since 2011."  The official pepper spray of the University of California - Davis campus police department.]

So enjoy your day, watch the 18 minutes of commercials per hour as allowed by the FCC, and count yourself as blessed that you live in a country where you have the freedom to worship as you please, speak your mind, and love your family.

[This Thanksgiving pathos is brought to you by Exxon; Producers of fine oils and lubricants to ease the pain of the screwing we're giving Americans and the world.]

Despite being inundated and blasted with commercialism from every corner, it's still a wonderful country, and a spiritually uplifting holiday.  Enjoy it, and remember to offer up a special "thank you" to the Man Upstairs, since prayer is one of the few remaining forms of communication that isn't overrun with ads and sponsorships.  Well, if you don't count Joel Osteen's Lakewood Baptist Church, the Immaculate Conception Catholic Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the United Methodist Church, the Lutheran Church, the Satmar Synagogue, the Islamic Center of America, the Crystal Cathedral, the 700 Club...

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Occupy Wall Street Stockpiling Weapons Of Mass Destruction

Uh oh.

The Occupy Wall Street crowd is in big doodoo now.

The Big Chief in the New York mayor's office has rolled in the big guns.

After citing questionable claims, like the presence of the OWS crowd in Zuccotti Park meant people couldn't use the public space (I'm not exactly sure what Mayor Boob-berg thinks the protesters are, but obviously they aren't people in his estimation) and his curious charges that the removal of the protesters was a matter of public health and security (apparently the mayor hasn't walked around the rest of his city without armed bodyguards lately), the Master Billionaire has levied the Big Charge.

It's the one that got Saddam Hussein whacked and is likely to cause Iran to become a well-lit parking lot in time for Hanukkah (lit for longer than eight days by a radioactive glow after the Israelis finish dropping bombs on Iran's suspected nuclear weapons building facilities).

Boob-berg says the protesters are stockpiling weapons, which is why he ordered the evil campers and campfire cookers out of the park.

Based on the mayor's claims, war is going to break out anytime now.

In fact, considering Boob-berg's roots, you better prepare yourself for the even bigger announcement:

The Occupy Wall Street protesters are developing weapons of mass destruction.

You heard it here first.

Whenever one of these power mongers wants to bust somebody's balls, that's the claim they trot out as justification for...well, for just about whatever they want to do.

Snatch a "suspected terrorist" and "rendition" them to Latvia?  Practice carpet bombing techniques on abandoned camel ranches?  Eavesdrop and wiretap the phones of U.S. residents?  Just issue the blanket "stockpiling weapons" allegation.  It's the greatest thing since Milton Bradley invented the "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

Of course, as our last president demonstrated, you don't have to have any facts to support such allegations, or something law enforcement agencies refer to as evidence.  You can just say the words, and more magically than Supercalifragilisticexpialadocious, you can do anything you want to anyone you want.

That's not to say Mayor Boob-berg is lying.  He would never play games with the truth.

Well, there was that time he helped cover up the fact that one of his deputy mayors was arrested for domestic abuse, but you can bet the Boober has a good excuse.  It's true that, when the mayor's office announced that individual's resignation, the public was told that Stephen Goldsmith was "leaving to pursue private-sector opportunities in infrastructure finance.”  That might be the coolest way ever of announcing that a guy was about to have his personal bank account emptied in the inevitable upcoming divorce.

Oh, one more piece of irony - the guy Boob-berg covered for, the 61-year-old who spent 36 hours in police custody in Washington after allegedly roughing up his wife, was the deputy mayor in charge of overseeing New York's police department.

But in this instance, because the truth can be a nebulous, fluid thing in the hands of a skilled politician like Boobie, claims of weapons stockpiling are probably true.  You can bet somebody had a butter knife in their backpack, or was using a large and dangerous stick to hold up their tent.

The thing that was likely to get Zuccotti Park rightfully nuked in a tactical strike by Boob-berg's air force (his fleet of police helicopters) is because the occupiers had chemical weapons in their possession.  I say this with a tremendous amount of certainty, because anyone who has actually been to New York City knows that only the mentally unstable would ever attempt to walk those streets at night without a can of Mace and two containers of pepper spray in their pockets.  Hence the confident leap to claims of the enemy -er, occupiers - possessing weapons of mass destruction.

Face it, those "peaceful protesters" were up to something, and it was up to the noble knight known across the land as the Boob-berg to ensure that guys in Armani suits and power ties on their way to rape some little old lady's 401-k were kept safe against the Zuccotti Park Taliban (the name wealthy politicians like to hang on anybody that thinks $65 is too much to pay for a steak sandwich).  Otherwise, the financial television network he founded (and which made him a billionaire) wouldn't have anything to drone on about during the next 24-hour news cycle.

He's obviously a hero.  Never mind that minor, outdated memo called the U.S. Constitution and it's sticky note, the First Amendment.  In New York, there are much more important laws on the books that must be upheld, like city codes against taking a nap in a public place at 3 a.m. when nobody except legitimate muggers would be using the park anyway.

It's odd, but after going over and over our Constitution, I can't find a single thing about freedom of speech being applicable only during daylight hours.  However, I'm sure it was just a careless oversight by our know-nothing founding fathers in an era that pre-dated flashing neon.  If they had known that people might actually take that right serious enough to endure cold, snow, and Boob-berg's badged beefeaters for 60 days in a row, they would have added an asterisk or a footnote.

The good news is that since there has been no outcry from real citizens (those who can afford Brooks Brothers suits), the displacement of those noisy hooligans from the hallowed grounds of public places in Oakland, Portland, Denver, Salt Lake City, and New York should ensure that nobody will be tempted to speak up about such petty grievances as fascism, injustice, or corruption in the future.

So, as the networks might say after a brief interruption, "we now return to our regularly scheduled greed.  In living color - green."